Transitional Stagnation

Time really flies when you’re not paying close attention to it. I’ve pulled up the blog in my browser to check when my last entry was and to refresh myself on what I’d written, and I’m surprised to find that the last one was put up all the way back in September, the day right before I started my then-new job. I could have sworn that I’d composed updates during the time in between, but apparently those were private DayOne journal entries I’m thinking of.

Since that last update, things have been moving along in certain areas of life, and completely stagnating in others. Following my change in employment, I took October & November “off” from my various personal projects and dedicated myself specifically to my running and becoming deeply acquainted with my new job. In the recent weeks, my physical status has started to slide backwards on the decline. Winter is generally an unfavorable time of year for me. The drop in temperature and the earlier nights make it easy to rationalize not going on a run. Mentally and emotionally, the focus on family unity that comes with the holidays has historically taken a heavy toll on me. While it hasn’t been as prevalent as in years past, it has been causing me enough discomfort to drive me to use food as a crutch; I’m now fluctuating in a range dangerously close to breaking back up in the 200’s. Couple that with bouts of random back and joint pain (and the resulting recovery periods) from back when I was more actively pushing on the physical front in the fall, and it all adds up to a pretty unpleasant time to be living life in my body.

However, as I wrote to myself earlier in a journal entry, a brand new year is quickly approaching – not just a calendar year, but the marking of another year since birth as well. I’ve only got one more year of life in my 20’s left, and the pressure to progress on the personal roadmap I laid out for myself years ago is really starting to bear down on me. There’s a beginning of a whole new narrative to my life that’s finally within reach, and I’m no longer held back by all the mental-emotional burdens I’ve known all my adult life.

Progress and setbacks all accounted for, things are in an overall good place. I’ve been opening myself back up to my writing, and have started warming up the engines on all my personal development projects. These past couple months pouring all my focus into my job were a nice respite from focusing exclusively on myself. Now that it’s time to get back to work, harder than ever before.

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