Emergence

As the month of May comes to its close, I can’t help but find myself drawing comparisons from my state in life then to how it is now. One year ago, I’d built up my credit and saved enough money to cut the final remaining links to my old life and move out of the family home, but found myself struggling with unemployment, lapsed bills, and persistent car trouble. In addition to addressing those obstacles, I was heavily preoccupied with the internal ones that I’ve written so much on throughout past entries. I’d decided that with the move, I’d officially end my social isolation and start testing out my reformed “self” in trying to reintegrate with my old life while still pushing in a new direction. In the process, there’s been a strong shift from spending all my time thinking things through towards enacting action.

Though there have been a few false starts and stumbles along the way, putting my idealized self into practice keeps becoming less and less difficult with every passing day. Everything that used to weigh on me and hold me back are no longer impassable obstacles. All the things I felt were missing from myself and how I experienced life have been put back in their rightful place. The goals and dreams that had started to feel like impossible lofty aspirations are now like projects waiting to be mapped out and strategically driven to completion. With the two I’ve been most focused on lately, I’ve been doing well at consistently losing weight over the past couple weeks, and on matters of the journey of self-rediscovery itself, it’s becoming a lot easier to identify and articulate what it was I had to process. Once you’re out of the chaos, it’s a lot easier to see the forest for the trees.

One year later, and I’m back in full form for the first time in the better part of a decade, ready to seriously outdo my old accomplishments. I’ve been keeping pace with my recently identified to-do’s, and waging a relentless assault on myself in the campaign for perpetual improvement. Life has fully regained it’s vivacity, flow, and meaning for me. It’s like waking up from a very long bad dream, finally back in actual full control of myself and my direction in life.

It’s going to be a summer of massive change and improvement on all personal fronts this year. I look forward to seeing myself on the other side of it.

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