The Other Body

It’s been a busy couple of weeks, getting myself back in the groove and undoing the damage I did during the early winter months packing the pounds back on. In spite of coming down with a cough last week, I’ve been persistently hitting the streets and hitting my 20 mile per week quota. I’m already back down to the range I was in back towards the end of December. In fact, I’m actually doing better than I was then – even though the scale reads out the same numbers it did back then, I can feel that a few of those pounds this time around are constituted by muscle instead of fat. While it feels good to be back “on track”, I have to admit that I don’t look forward to once again having to put together those weigh-in posts now that there’s going to be actual progress to track again — taking measurements and photos is a drag and one of my least-favorite things to have to do. Furthermore, still being in the initial leg of the journey I see all the work still left to do more than the progress I’ve already made can be frustrating at times.

As I keep pushing forward on this project, now with more effort than ever before, I’m starting to notice a peculiar shift in my physiological self-perception. For the most part, I still feel heavy and, well, fat. It’s a state of constant awareness of the extra fat mass that still needs to be done away with that results in a physical feeling of sluggishness and insufficient musculature. In times past, the only escape from that sensation was when I found myself out on the street and completing my running route. When I’m out running, I feel completely “normal”. When I catch a glimpse of my reflection when I run past buildings and storefronts with highly reflective windows, I see a vastly different person than I see reflected in my bathroom mirrors at home when I’m getting ready for the work day. Yet, lately, I’ve been starting to randomly see and feel myself in that “other body” I inhabit throughout my days even when I’m not exercising. The prospect of reaching the point where that becomes the norm throughout the entirety of my days only fuels my motivation to keep pushing and ramp up the pace even higher.

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